I think too much in the nighttime perhaps.But really what else is there to do.This bed is driving me to distraction.I pick up my guitar for a while and quietly strum some chords.There is still some rock music playing from one of the other rooms,and since it's Sunday,nobody is off to work tomorrow, so the guitar will not disturb anyone. They are probably drinking out there too, so I just stay in my own space.I wonder if I'm an introvert, and if it's really so bad if I am'
Really I do like people.Just not a lot of people.I don't socialize with people at work, because it's just not a good idea. There are two ladies there I rather like, who in other circumstances I might ask out, at least for coffee, but I can't convince myself that it's such a great idea. None of the people I live with are the sort that I would choose as friends.But they are all passably decent,so living here is tolerable.
I get up and go out to the fridge for a glass of coke.I need to stop drinking this crap.It's probably helping to keep me up at night. Looking outside,it seems that the wind has come up, and there are little eddies of snow swirling about on the street.But the television said tomorrow is supposed to be a decent day.
It's not like I have no friends at all.I'm into music,specifically Bluegrass music, so I attend jam sessions on Monday and Thursday nights,and a larger jam once a month. The people at the jams are very down to earth, accepting people, and I'm slowly learning guitar.But it's really the only place that I've found that I fit in.
I used to live down in what is called The Mission District, south of downtown,and west of the Stampede Grounds.I was lucky to find any apartment at all, but this one was affordable, and best of all it was right beside the Elbow River.The river passed right by the dead end of the street,about two hundred feet down from my door.I'd always wanted to live right beside the river, and it was great to go on down to the river and sit and play my guitar.But, in truth it happened to be the only apartment I could find at all.Still, it worked out quite well for a time.
Just after I left Janet's condo,maybe a week after I moved in, a strange and disturbing incident took place.At the time of it's happening,I had no idea that it was happening.On the night in question, I'd come home from the mill, dirty and tired out,and soaked for a time in the bathtub, trying to get the knots out of my muscles.Then I lay down on my couch- because I thought buying a bed a waste of money-and went to sleep.Sometime later I awoke.It still wasn't dark, and when I woke up, I thought I heard my apartment door closing. I got up and discovered it closed.I went to the refrigerator for a drink, and found that it was filled up with food that I didn't put there.On the counter was a note from Janet saying she'd stopped by to drop off some groceries.The door closing had been her leaving.The next day I went to the caretaker, who lived just across the hall from me and asked if she had given a key to my apartment to anyone.
"Certainly." She said."I gave one to your girlfriend."
"To Janet?"
"Yeah, that's the one"
"What in hell would possess you to do such a thing?"
"Well, she's your girlfriend.So I thought it should be alright.She said she had groceries for you and needed a key.So I gave her one.Can't see what was wrong with that."
I politely informed her that there was a reason that Janet was not moving in with me, that she was in fact my ex girlfriend, and that she had no business being in my apartment.
"So what would you have me do?"
"Well,the next time you see her, you should ask her for the key back.Failing that You are going to have to change my locks,because her having access is not acceptable.In fact I'm stunned that you would think it would be.And if you see her coming in here again, I would suggest you call the police."
I'd never really had a problem like Janet before. In fact, I had a very hard time getting rid of her.I'd broken up with a few women in the past, and when it was over,it was over.Simple as that for the most part.But Janet just wouldn't go away.I considered her getting a key to be manipulative and controlling, and in fact I started to wonder if there was anything really dangerous about her.Really, I'd have to admit, I was more than a little concerned.I gave some thought to just picking up and moving on to some other town.
About a week later,I'd just got home when someone slid a letter under my door.It was Janet, and the letter was a tirade about our relationship, saying that I was a lunatic who didn't think right, and that she was incredibly insulted that I had identified her as a danger.She indicated that it was the last I would ever hear from her, that she'd given"Her" key back. I wasn't convinced, but I could hope.I didn't know what I was going to do if she kept coming around.
As it turned out,that was the last I ever heard of Janet.Sort of.At least she was true to her word. but another amusing sort of incident took place a month or so later, that still seems to me to be so bizarre that I have trouble believing it.When I first moved to Calgary,I was not at all computer literate.But after I moved into my own place,I started going downtown to the library so I could keep in touch with my mother in Moncton. A lady at the library patiently showed me how to set up an email account,and how to compose and send email.I was quite reluctant at first, but I though if my mother could learn,in her sixties, I should start figuring out how to use a computer.So I did, slowly at first.
Now you might think that having just had a really bad break up I would have sworn off the idea of having another girlfriend, but I'm sometimes not all that fast giving up on really bad ideas.I still had this idea in my head that I needed to be with someone, that my identity required a second half.And really, everybody I knew was telling me that that was true.So I decided to try out internet dating.I'd go to the library, email my mother, or answer any email she'd sent to me, the I'd spend the remainder of my allotted hour visiting dating sites. Some of them were kind of strange,to my mind. One offered contacts for persons who were looking for friends,or marriage, and even a "meat market" So I decided to limit myself to Christian dating sites only.Except that one of them was even offering a site for people who "Just want to play." I wondered what was Christian about that.But after a while I found a site I thought might work, so I answered this huge questionnaire, that they said would help them find an ideal match for me, based on common values. Sounded good to me. So I started scanning the offerings,and found a couple of ladies to start communicating with via email.Three, I told myself.I'm not committing to anything, just some email chat.So I went to select a third person to contact.Up popped a picture of a slim,rather good looking lady, with longish blond hair.And her name was Janet.I really couldn't believe what I was looking at.My eyeballs nearly dropped out on the floor.After having me answer a rather lengthy set of questions about my values, and what I was looking for, the computer decided that a very good match for me was Janet.My latest ex.One and the same.I'm not kidding.You can't make this stuff up. I was offered the opportunity to reject any of their suggestions, which I promptly did. I didn't give up on the idea of internet dating right there and then, but my foray into that world was short indeed.
So here I am five years later,Family Day week-end 2006, looking out on a Calgary winter street at midnight, trying to avoid my half drunken room mates, and way in the back of my mind wondering if maybe I should, or even could ask out one of the ladies at work.I even thought about going back to the e-dating sites, but that worried me a bit too.The conclusion I'd come to in that regard was that I was probably doing that because what I was really afraid of was true intimacy, and that was the cause of my worry.I thought that if anyone I met online was like minded with me about anything,it was probably that, so I got to thinking that the whole scene was a bad idea.So I stopped cold turkey. Then about a year ago, a friend I knew met a person online, and they ended up happily married. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, but I've yet to give into it again.Maybe tomorrow.Or maybe never.
Really I do like people.Just not a lot of people.I don't socialize with people at work, because it's just not a good idea. There are two ladies there I rather like, who in other circumstances I might ask out, at least for coffee, but I can't convince myself that it's such a great idea. None of the people I live with are the sort that I would choose as friends.But they are all passably decent,so living here is tolerable.
I get up and go out to the fridge for a glass of coke.I need to stop drinking this crap.It's probably helping to keep me up at night. Looking outside,it seems that the wind has come up, and there are little eddies of snow swirling about on the street.But the television said tomorrow is supposed to be a decent day.
It's not like I have no friends at all.I'm into music,specifically Bluegrass music, so I attend jam sessions on Monday and Thursday nights,and a larger jam once a month. The people at the jams are very down to earth, accepting people, and I'm slowly learning guitar.But it's really the only place that I've found that I fit in.
I used to live down in what is called The Mission District, south of downtown,and west of the Stampede Grounds.I was lucky to find any apartment at all, but this one was affordable, and best of all it was right beside the Elbow River.The river passed right by the dead end of the street,about two hundred feet down from my door.I'd always wanted to live right beside the river, and it was great to go on down to the river and sit and play my guitar.But, in truth it happened to be the only apartment I could find at all.Still, it worked out quite well for a time.
Just after I left Janet's condo,maybe a week after I moved in, a strange and disturbing incident took place.At the time of it's happening,I had no idea that it was happening.On the night in question, I'd come home from the mill, dirty and tired out,and soaked for a time in the bathtub, trying to get the knots out of my muscles.Then I lay down on my couch- because I thought buying a bed a waste of money-and went to sleep.Sometime later I awoke.It still wasn't dark, and when I woke up, I thought I heard my apartment door closing. I got up and discovered it closed.I went to the refrigerator for a drink, and found that it was filled up with food that I didn't put there.On the counter was a note from Janet saying she'd stopped by to drop off some groceries.The door closing had been her leaving.The next day I went to the caretaker, who lived just across the hall from me and asked if she had given a key to my apartment to anyone.
"Certainly." She said."I gave one to your girlfriend."
"To Janet?"
"Yeah, that's the one"
"What in hell would possess you to do such a thing?"
"Well, she's your girlfriend.So I thought it should be alright.She said she had groceries for you and needed a key.So I gave her one.Can't see what was wrong with that."
I politely informed her that there was a reason that Janet was not moving in with me, that she was in fact my ex girlfriend, and that she had no business being in my apartment.
"So what would you have me do?"
"Well,the next time you see her, you should ask her for the key back.Failing that You are going to have to change my locks,because her having access is not acceptable.In fact I'm stunned that you would think it would be.And if you see her coming in here again, I would suggest you call the police."
I'd never really had a problem like Janet before. In fact, I had a very hard time getting rid of her.I'd broken up with a few women in the past, and when it was over,it was over.Simple as that for the most part.But Janet just wouldn't go away.I considered her getting a key to be manipulative and controlling, and in fact I started to wonder if there was anything really dangerous about her.Really, I'd have to admit, I was more than a little concerned.I gave some thought to just picking up and moving on to some other town.
About a week later,I'd just got home when someone slid a letter under my door.It was Janet, and the letter was a tirade about our relationship, saying that I was a lunatic who didn't think right, and that she was incredibly insulted that I had identified her as a danger.She indicated that it was the last I would ever hear from her, that she'd given"Her" key back. I wasn't convinced, but I could hope.I didn't know what I was going to do if she kept coming around.
As it turned out,that was the last I ever heard of Janet.Sort of.At least she was true to her word. but another amusing sort of incident took place a month or so later, that still seems to me to be so bizarre that I have trouble believing it.When I first moved to Calgary,I was not at all computer literate.But after I moved into my own place,I started going downtown to the library so I could keep in touch with my mother in Moncton. A lady at the library patiently showed me how to set up an email account,and how to compose and send email.I was quite reluctant at first, but I though if my mother could learn,in her sixties, I should start figuring out how to use a computer.So I did, slowly at first.
Now you might think that having just had a really bad break up I would have sworn off the idea of having another girlfriend, but I'm sometimes not all that fast giving up on really bad ideas.I still had this idea in my head that I needed to be with someone, that my identity required a second half.And really, everybody I knew was telling me that that was true.So I decided to try out internet dating.I'd go to the library, email my mother, or answer any email she'd sent to me, the I'd spend the remainder of my allotted hour visiting dating sites. Some of them were kind of strange,to my mind. One offered contacts for persons who were looking for friends,or marriage, and even a "meat market" So I decided to limit myself to Christian dating sites only.Except that one of them was even offering a site for people who "Just want to play." I wondered what was Christian about that.But after a while I found a site I thought might work, so I answered this huge questionnaire, that they said would help them find an ideal match for me, based on common values. Sounded good to me. So I started scanning the offerings,and found a couple of ladies to start communicating with via email.Three, I told myself.I'm not committing to anything, just some email chat.So I went to select a third person to contact.Up popped a picture of a slim,rather good looking lady, with longish blond hair.And her name was Janet.I really couldn't believe what I was looking at.My eyeballs nearly dropped out on the floor.After having me answer a rather lengthy set of questions about my values, and what I was looking for, the computer decided that a very good match for me was Janet.My latest ex.One and the same.I'm not kidding.You can't make this stuff up. I was offered the opportunity to reject any of their suggestions, which I promptly did. I didn't give up on the idea of internet dating right there and then, but my foray into that world was short indeed.
So here I am five years later,Family Day week-end 2006, looking out on a Calgary winter street at midnight, trying to avoid my half drunken room mates, and way in the back of my mind wondering if maybe I should, or even could ask out one of the ladies at work.I even thought about going back to the e-dating sites, but that worried me a bit too.The conclusion I'd come to in that regard was that I was probably doing that because what I was really afraid of was true intimacy, and that was the cause of my worry.I thought that if anyone I met online was like minded with me about anything,it was probably that, so I got to thinking that the whole scene was a bad idea.So I stopped cold turkey. Then about a year ago, a friend I knew met a person online, and they ended up happily married. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, but I've yet to give into it again.Maybe tomorrow.Or maybe never.
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